11-23-23

ECCLESIOLOGICAL ETCHINGS
November 23, 2023
In my research preparing for this current two-week series on gratitude, one of my takeaways was the connection between gratitude and self-esteem. It came up often, and though it appears as if the studies have been relatively small on this subject, the connection seems rather obvious. For instance, when we take the time to give thanks to someone who has been kind to us or demonstrated love for us, it takes us from a mindset of entitlement or even arrogance to an appreciative mindset that names how someone else felt we were worthy of kindness and love. This does not occur with the socially expected “thank you,” which is often spoken without any real feeling of gratitude. It’s just what you say.

A friend hears that I’ve been under a lot of stress and calls me. I can’t answer, but he leaves a message where he talks about his concern, offers a bit of encouragement, and then speaks the words, “Love you, friend!” I only have time to text back, and though it is just a few words, the thank you is genuine. The message meant the world, especially as I know how busy the friend is. It is nice when someone believes you are valuable and takes the time to show it.

As I think about practices of gratitude, one of the things I began working on three or four months ago was catching myself when my mind and mouth went on autopilot to say, “Thank you,” when I knew it was the required thing to say in the moment. I do believe appreciation, whether heartfelt or not, is sort of important in a culture. But one of the places I have caught myself is when someone holds the door for me. I’m quick with a “thank you,” but am I genuinely appreciative? I know the person wasn’t giving up a kidney, but to hold a door for a short period of time for a complete stranger is a small act of kindness that did not need to occur. I have tried to switch my language as a simple reminder to myself. Instead of saying “thank you,” I say, “I really appreciate it” or “that was very kind of you.” The simple change in my language has been a helpful trigger, awakening me to pause for a moment and to name the act of kindness. And when we become more conscious of the act of kindness done for us, it begins to build our sense of self-worth.

Help me, Gracious God, as I seek to offer more than a mechanized and unappreciative “thank you.” My heart and mind need to see and name the acts of kindness around me, no matter how small. Amen.