01-16-26

ECCLESIOLOGICAL ETCHINGS
January 16, 2026
Have you ever disappointed someone when, in fact, you had tried your best? In my head, I can hear the 1981 James Ingram song, “Just Once,” where the opening line is: “I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough.” I’m pretty sure you don’t have to apologize when you feel confident that you gave the task your best effort, yet believing we gave our best does not change the disappointment or betrayal that someone else is feeling. What is the difference between saying, “I’m so sorry” and “I am sorry that you feel that way”? One is taking responsibility, and when there is responsibility to be taken, it is good to apologize and seek forgiveness. In fact, as followers of Jesus, I feel pretty confident that we are commanded to do so. But in situations where there is no responsibility for us to accept, it can feel as if unwarranted responsibility is being thrust upon us. It might be as simple as two people seeing things differently, and if that is the case, there might be a discussion to have. But too often, it appears that people shove their inability to accept responsibility, for a multitude of reasons, back upon us. It usually  comes packaged as an expectation. They are expecting an apology, and sometimes it feels easier to simply give it. I firmly believe that we need a lot more forgiveness in this world, but forgiveness cannot simply be the decision of one person to capitulate because it’s the easier thing to do. Forgiveness is hard, especially when the issues are real and the need for responsibility is equally real. However, surrendering with the words, “I’m sorry,” when there’s other work to be done ends up being a disservice to the notion of forgiveness. 

Great God of Mercy, you inspire us to be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as you have forgiven us. Teach us the importance of taking responsibility when there is a reason for us to accept responsibility, but let us not water down the significance of one of the more powerful and important tasks you’ve given us. While modeling forgiveness through apologies and genuine contrition is essential, we must be vigilant against those who use gaslighting to evade accountability. Give us the courage and fortitude to seek forgiveness when it is the good and right thing to do, without allowing someone to shift blame and avoid their own responsibility. I know I’ll need help in this work. Thank you for being there. Amen.